you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
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