You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
