Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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