He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
