She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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