I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
