Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Nobody cheats on THIS.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
