Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
