My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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