I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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