If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
