I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
we're so committed to being not committed
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
