Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
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