I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize