So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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