the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize