My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
