so that wasnt chicken after all
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
