I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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