In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Please, let me fuck your mom
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
