My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
