i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
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