Whod you bang
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
