I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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