He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
