i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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