I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
