You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
