Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Randomize
