im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
