his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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