Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Still dying that you shit outside
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
