You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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