i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
