just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
