I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize
