I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
