I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
You took a bar mat shot.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
