i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
