I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
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