I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Randomize
