Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Randomize
