I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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