Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
