apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
