If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
