hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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