i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
