I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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