I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
and she was petting her beer can
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
