OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize