Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
