I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
