At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
