Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
All the doctor said was why
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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