I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
