I'm sorry my penis didn't work
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
