wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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