sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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