his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
