I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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