i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
