Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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