I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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