I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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